does anyone else find it insane that florida lawmakers passed the 'take your gun to work law' and that people will have the ability to leave their gun in their car? do you really want a 'wesley higdom' happening in south florida? do you really want something like that happening to you, or worse, your family?
until they overturn this law (which i can't imagine it'll take very long - and only a few innocent lives will be lost in the process) i've written a guide for those of us who are attempting to make it through the day without a gun…
survival guide for the gunless...
tips to survive the drive… #1. if someone is tailgating, do not attempt to slow down to ‘teach them a lesson’- there’s a chance you will be shot #2. if someone is honking, do not attempt to honk back – there’s a chance you will be shot #3. if the other car is slow to drive when a light turns green, do not attempt to honk – there’s a chance they’ll let slow down to let you pass, and then you will be shot
when you arrive at work… #1. if there is a dispute over the last parking spot – do not attempt to argue with the other driver – there’s a chance you will be shot #3. if you know someone leaves their gun in their car – do not park near them, there’s a chance someone has broken into their car, stole their gun and then you will be shot #2. if you get in an argument with someone – do not proceed to the parking lot with them, there’s a chance they’ll go in the car, grab their gun and then you will be shot #4. if a cazy-mad-man decides to break into all the cars in the parking lot, steal the guns, then shoot-up your place of work – do not stand near the guy who goes to run to his car to get his gun to be a big hero because then you will be shot in the cross-fire #5. if the big hero some how manages to make it to his car without being killed, grabs his gun and makes it back into the building - do not stand near the big hero because you will be shot.
instead cower in the corner, dial 9-1-1 and live to tell the story to your kids.
in this crazy, new, technologically advanced world there are no more borders. new doorways have opened... you can have a personal assistant in india. you can do remote freelance work for a ad agency in london. the possibilities are truly endless. however, meeting people online is still a fairly dicey situation.
countless social networking sites have popped up in recent years... some with excellent results. whether you're looking to meet your true love or the random hook-up with the tranny prostitute, there's a site for you. but, when everything is said and done, there's still a lingering stigma about meeting people online, especially with the older generations. and even worse... what happens when it doesn't work out?!
"the portal theory" is my advice to people trying to find love online...
the basic idea of the portal theory is not to find your ideal partner online, but to find an appropriate portal online to meet your ideal partner. so now you might be asking, what the hell is a portal anyways?
por·tal(pôrtl, pr-)n.
1. A doorway, entrance, or gate.
2. An entrance or a means of entrance: the local library, a portal of knowledge.
here's are some steps to follow...
do not pick a portal based on physical attraction (you should never date your portal)
pick someone for similar interests and compatibility
pick someone you think you could be great friends with
once said portal has been picked, check out their friends
make sure the friends are attractive, cool & you would enjoy hanging out with them as well
make sure they have a few quality friends, not a ton of random people
make sure theres 2 or 3 that you could see yourself being with
if they meet all above things... they should be come your portal
make connection with your portal
strike-up online convo
maybe set up a casual coffee date, or something very unromantic
build a friendship with portal
make it clear that you are not interested in them
now that you and your portal are friends
meet their friends (especially the ones single attractive ones you pre-screened online)
get introduced to your true love
there's also the "back-end" approach, which is where you work backwards. if you find someone on-line that you absolutely must have. don't contact them... find one of their close friends and befriend them. work you're way in through the back door.
so, you might be wondering why i'm telling you to use "the portal" approach. this is very simple...
if it doesn't work out, you have a new cool group of friends
if it doesn't work out, you can pick someone else from your new cool group of friends (you haven't shut yourself out of any other possibilities)
if it doesn't work out, you still retain your portal as your friend
if it does work out, then you thankfully don't need to tell your grandma or your kids that you met online
also, "the portal" approach works exceptionally well to meet friends when moving to a new city. and never limit yourself to having just one portal.
so kids, when navigating the new dating scene, just remember... walk through the door and enter their room of kick ass friends and have your pick.
starts next week (the 30th) with a screening of Dandy Warhols vs. Brian Jonestown Massacre documentary DIG!! Seating is at 8pm and the film starts promptly at 8.30. We'll provide the popcorn and of course everyone is invited to stay and discuss the film afterward!!
america's funny man takes the stage at ps14 tonight. it seems like people love or hate this guy... i guess if you don't get it, you don't get it. kinda reminds me of my great uncle. hehe. that alone makes me giggle. sorry for the late notice kiddies. only $7 to get in.
john hancock from awesome new republic & the upper eastside garden are throwing their first summer bbq this saturday, june 28, with live music by the down home southernaires, free grolsh (yes!) & some good ole 'art' bbq by jason hedges. these last saturday bbqs seem like their going to be the party of the summer. come early for some back nine putt putt mini golf.
i have no idea what to make of this... i'm assuming that they'll literally be serving fried chicken & porn. however, that makes me very nervous for some reason. that or embarrassed that i have such a dirty mind to assume that (can we say john waters?!). i think i'm going to be up in laudi for this, so if any one goes tomorrow... i want a full report back.
A 25 minute short film from Rob Lyon of Island Hoppers and Carlos Reyes from C-Shapes. This is a work in progress and we will be the first to see how it's shaping up!
Amigos & Banditos - World Premiere Feature Film Local surfer and filmmaker Mark Wilder of Wilder Films has just completed his new film, Amigos & Banditos shot on location in Baja Mexico. This 60 minute film packs a punch with dramatic footage and a slick soundtrack. See footage of local surfer Dave Begley and others as they travel to well known and secret spots in Mexico. Cameo appearances include Surfrider's own Lance O'.
Food, beer, wine and softdrinks will be available for purchase at the event. Special guest DJ will be spinning tunes before and between the shows. Raffle prizes and giveaways from Quicksilver, Island Water Sports and more!
on a sidenote... think surfrider should take dear, old charlie christ of their front page, as he now hates florida's coastal environment and loves john mccain. at the least, they should put a little pressure on him to flipflop back to caring about the environment.
[where:2000 Convention Center Dr., Miami Beach, FL 33139]
even though the crowd has been a little thin for the last few friday, i'm still loving the vagabond. and i love it even more when there's live music playing....
FRIDAY, JUNE 27th @ THE VAGABOND: Sweat Records and The Vagabond present a live performance by THE JACUZZI BOYS!! Followed by DJs Lolo, Ray Milian, Mike Deuce, Rydon, Chris Graham, UVS and guests spinning 'til 5 in the morning!!
sorry for the late notice... this week's art@miasci thursday gathering is being presented by the bac (bakehouse art complex), which i love... so this week sounds like it's going to be an interesting one.
The Miami Science Museum boasts a new "jewel" among its programmatic collection. @MiaSci, a monthly young professional mixer, has quickly become the premiere gathering for the twenty and thirtysomething mover and shaker crowd in South Florida. Billed as the "Happy Hour with Substance," the event combines a business mixer with a celebration of art and a twist of science.
tickets are $10 for non-members... but keep in mind, the drinks are free all night long! and it's probably a slightly more interesting crowd the last drunk guy that started a discussion with you. you remember? the one with the beer belly and crumbs on his shirt. remember, the guy who loves nascar! see, i knew you'd remember.
it's janus film night tomorrow at the upper eastside garden. bellocchio's 'fists in the pocket' takes center stage at 7. tickets cost $5 per person, which includes picnic mats or seats in the garden, a bag of popcorn, and access to the back 9 putt-putt and their new upstairs lounge (which i was at last night and is awesome)!
sorry for the late notice. tonight is the second (i believe) sweat book club. here's the details off sweat's site..
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25th @ SWEAT RECORDS: The SWEAT BOOKS BOOK CLUB meets to discuss "SNUFF" - the new novel by CHUCK PALAHNIUK!! Meeting starts at 8pm and feel free to bring a snack or something to share. Be there and be square.
i was not planning on attending celia: the life and music of celia cruz. however, when free tickets are dropped in your lap, you really can't say no (disclaimer... i was not given the tickets to write a review - and actually, the person who gave me the tickets doesn't even know that i am writing a review). ok, so off we went, my very excited cuban-american girlfriend and i, to see celia at the arsht center on sunday evening.
as we entered knight concert hall i'm not sure why i was so surprised to find myself surrounded by throngs of latin people, mostly cubans, but i was. even my girlfriend was cracking jokes about how i was the only gringa in the place (aside from a few of the staff). and this was during one of the english shows... i can only imagine if it was one of the spanish ones!
now, i don't know about you, but when someone gives you free tickets to something, they usually aren't very good seats. "free seats" almost always constitute the highest balcony, somewhere in the last few rows and to the far side, so you have some kind of structural pole or something blocking your view. but i figured, hell, it's a musical! i only really need to hear it... and it's free!
we went to the first ticket checker to direct us to our nose-bleed seats and she just points forward, towards the stage. so we walked to the next ticket checker and he smiled and rattled on in spanish where our seats are located. i stared blankly at him, not understanding more than three words, then finally mumbled back 'gracias' as we continued walking forward, my girlfriend cracking up at how i've lived in miami for years and i still don't know any spanish. the final ticket checker, or whatever the hell they're called, points to our row. row 3. row 3? what the f***?! i could spit and hit the stage if i wanted (not that i did).
on to the actual musical... celia's life is retold posthumously by her lonely and aged husband, pedro knight, to his male nurse. this made it extremely clear how much pedro loved celia, it was actually a very warm and sad way to tell the story of such an influential and amazing artist. also, it effectively turned the musical into less of a biography and more of a love story.
the stage was pretty bare-bones and a set change was solely accomplished by images being projected onto the background. not my favorite way of doing things, but still effective. another bothersome issue was that celia's part was played by several different people. i was actually a little confused at first, but even after i knew, it still kind of irked me. the multiple celias just made the musical a little jerky. there was a singing celia and an acting celia and if i remember, another young celia in the beginning. i kind of wish it was just one person doing the role justice. i kind of wish it was the singing celia, anissa gathers. man that chick could rip it up. if you shut your eyes, her voice was almost there. she was almost celia.
so all-in-all, what made it for this gringa was the singing celia, anissa, and the band. the actual play was just so-so and got very cheesy at the end, especially with the annoying male nurse (don't worry, i won't spoil it). i also have to imagine seeing it in miami would be an entirely different experience than new york, since most of the audience was singing along during the more upbeat numbers and chiming in whenever castro was brought up.
on a side note, to the woman diagonal to us... it's fine to cheer and clap and interact in the appropriate spots during a play or musical. hell, most of the people in the audience were. it, however, is not appropriate to interject your own comments and life stories after every single line is delivered. you ruined the experience for most everyone around you. so please, next time, just shut the f*ck up!
now that i have that off my chest, celia is running till july 6th... so if you're cuban, anti-castro, or just appreciate good music, celia is a must see. if you don't fit the bill, well, try and score some free tickets.
shop miami @ the moore 7-11 sounds by DJ Keen One tickets now only available at the door
Gen Art is proud to invite you to SHOP MIAMI! Check out the best fashion Miami has to offer all in one gorgeous 4-story space. Guests will have the opportunity to purchase the latest and greatest wares at up to 70% off retail from over 40 of the hottest womenswear, menswear, accessory designers and boutiques during this four hour shopping spree. With an open bar, complimentary beauty services, a special fashion presentation and sounds by DJ Keen One, you and your credit card will not want to miss this unparalleled shopping experience!
here's some images from this past friday, june 20th, at the vagabond courtesy of cintia saul.
keep your eyes open for some shots cintia snapped of modernage when they took the stage later on. the guys apparently put on a great show. look for those images later tonight or tomorrow.
yes, there were tons of awesome parties after the gallery walk last saturday, june 14th. yes, there was a great line-up at ps14. and yes, rachel goodrich rocked the house.
i'm not sure what ps14's capacity is, but i have to assume it was max capacity when rachel came on. they place filled in so quickly, i was actually forced to the very front (not that i'm complaining) with my very good friend and amazing photographer cintia saul. it was unreal. i can't remember seeing a local performer enthrall the crowd as much as rachel did. as usual, she handed out instruments to audience members who joined in singing and keeping the beat. different people joined her on the stage including "the whistler" (as i like to call her), who hit notes i didn't think were humanly possible.
for well over an hour, miami and ps14 rocked to sounds of ms. goodrich and the insane amount of crowd participation. and when it was her time to end, the crowd kept yelling 'encore! encore!' until she relented and treated us to two more joyous songs. finally, as rachel finished clearing her stuff from the stage and receiving tons of compliments, the crowd left as quickly as they came.
just received notice from map magazine about their new issue... issue 05 pleasures. can't wait to get my hands on it. though i have to admit, i'm still hoping to hear word about an issue release party. anyone got any news on this?
well, happy readings if you pick up a copy. and fyi... you can grab the digital read over at map magazine.
steph taylor + nabedi are rockin' the newly opened news lounge this saturday night. show starts around 10ish.
this is a do-not-miss. steph taylor is an absolutely amazing musician on her own but with the recent addition of drummer, nabedi osorio, the songs take on a whole new feel.
[where:55th St. & NE 4th Ct, Miami, Florida, 33137]
two days late... i know, i know. thanks to those of you who inquired where it was. but alas, it was just in my head cause i've felt like poop this week. so sorry, here it finally is. the fifth installment of hump mix wednesdays. sorry i missed last week. just a reminder... the format will be five songs, maybe a little info, and even sometimes a cool video. the songs might not always be new, but they'll always be awesome. if you really, really, really like it, go out and buy the cd. i won't be playing top 100 shit, so these artist could all use your monetary support.
janus film night at the ueg kicks it summer season tomorrow. the garden opens at 7pm and tickets are $5 per person. also includes mats or seats, a bag of popcorn, a round of put-put golf and access to the new lounge.
jean cocteau's classic, 'beauty and the beast' takes center stage tomorrow night at the ueg. the garden opens at 7 and tickets cost $5 per person. includes picnic mats or seats in the garden, a bag of popcorn, and access to the back 9 putt-putt and their new upstairs lounge.
just a friendly reminder that it's miami spice sneak peak preview week! i already gave you most of the details and all the participating restaurants. i highly suggest taking advantage of these deals. i'm going to try and make it at least once this week (ok, aiming for two). if you happen to go somewhere, let me know what places are good. it's so overwhelming people, we need to stick together!
tl, p
r
it's janus film night tomorrow at the upper eastside garden. bellocchio's 'fists in the pocket' takes center stage at 7. tickets cost $5 per person, which includes picnic mats or seats in the garden, a bag of popcorn, and access to the back 9 putt-putt and their new upstairs lounge (which i was at last night and is awesome)!
